Planning For The Future After Breast Cancer: A Kinder Way Forward
- Kirstie Blanchette
- Jun 12
- 5 min read
Life after breast cancer can feel like standing in the middle of a life you no longer recognise. Everyone around you may be breathing a sigh of relief, expecting you to “get back to normal.” But what if that old normal doesn’t fit anymore? What if you’ve changed – emotionally, physically, spiritually – and need time and space to understand who you are now?
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
As a life coach supporting women after breast cancer, I often hear these words: “I don’t know who I am anymore,” or “Everyone wants me to be how I was before, but I’m not the same.” But we have changed and that is ok. So how do you begin creating a life that feels like yours again – one small, kind step at a time?
Who Are You Now? Rediscovering the New You
Coming through cancer changes you – not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Some of these changes are hard, but others can be powerful: a shift in priorities, a deeper understanding of your own strength, a clearer sense of what matters most.
Rediscovering who you are after breast cancer isn’t about reinventing yourself completely – it’s about gently exploring what’s true for you now.
Here are some self-reflective questions to begin with:
What do I value most now?
What drains me? What gives me energy?
What do I need more of in my life?
What do I want to leave behind?
Try journaling on this. Don’t overthink it – just allow your thoughts to emerge naturally. You might be surprised by what you learn.
Remember, you don’t have to “figure it all out” at once. You are not a project to be fixed – just gently explore how you think and feel.
Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations
One of the hardest parts of life after breast cancer can be navigating the expectations of others. People may expect you to bounce back, pick up where you left off, and “be grateful it’s over.” But the truth is, it’s not really over. You’re carrying invisible emotional and physical scars, and healing takes time.
You don’t owe anyone a return to your old life.
It’s okay to say to people (and yourself):
“I’ve changed, and I need time to adjust.”
“I’m doing things differently now, and that’s okay.”
“I’m learning who I am after all this – please be patient with me.”
Some people may not understand, and that’s painful. But you are not here to meet their expectations. You are here to honour your experience and your reality. Expectations are like the handcuffs we wear; they keep us trapped. What is actually true for you right now?
When you feel pressured to go back to “how you were,” pause and ask yourself: What do I actually need/want right now? That is the voice to follow – not the voice of other people’s comfort zones.
Being Gentle with Yourself as You Heal
Moving forward after breast cancer isn’t about pushing through or pretending everything is fine. It’s about accepting this new version of life with a big old dose of self-compassion. Some days you’ll feel strong, other days you may feel fragile. Both are valid. Both are part of healing.
Try this simple mantra:
“I am allowed to heal at my own pace.”
Self-kindness might look like:
Saying no to things that feel too much.
Taking naps without guilt.
Allowing space for your feelings – even the messy ones.
Choosing rest over productivity.
You are not lazy. You are not weak. You are recovering – and recovery is not a race.
How would you treat a dear friend going through something similar? Would you push her to be “back to normal”? Or would you sit beside her, offering support, time, and space?
Setting Goals That Feel Gentle, Realistic, and Achievable
You might feel a pull to “get your life back on track,” but rushing into big life plans can feel overwhelming – especially when your energy, emotions, and confidence are still in recovery. But it is a good idea to have an idea of where you want to be headed in life, otherwise we can feel like we are floundering. I always recommend starting small and where you actually are.
Try this:
Name what you want– What’s something you’d like to feel or do? (e.g., I want to feel more connected to others.)
Break it down – What’s one small step toward that? (e.g., Message a friend to meet for coffee.)
Make it doable – Ask yourself: Can I do this on a hard day? If not, make it smaller. (e.g. Ask the friend to come to yours instead of going out.)
Celebrate every step – Progress is progress, no matter how small.
One of my least favourite words is ‘should’. Again, it is an expectation we are putting on ourselves that usually results in us feeling bad if we don’t achieve it. How would it feel to replace “should” with “could”? Instead of “I should start going to the gym 3 times a week” try “I could take a short walk today.” Notice how much gentler that feels. And how good you feel when you have taken that walk rather than beating yourself up that you haven’t been to the gym.
Creating a Future That Feels Like Yours
Planning for the future after breast cancer can feel complicated. You might feel hopeful one minute and terrified the next. That’s normal. It’s part of living with uncertainty. But here’s the thing – you’re allowed to hope again. You’re allowed to imagine a life that feels good. And this is where visualisation comes in. It can be so powerful to spend time imagining yourself in the place you want to be in life going forwards; no pressure to be there yet, just the idea of what you want for yourself.
Why not give it a go?
Sit somewhere quiet.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Imagine yourself one year from now. You feel grounded, content, more “you.”
What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel?
Write down what you see. Then ask:
What’s one thing I can do this week to move toward that version of me?
It could be something small, like setting a boundary with someone in your life that drains you, trying a new hobby that makes you happy, or simply giving yourself a moment of quiet. Bit by bit, those choices shape the life you’re moving toward.
You’re Not Starting Over – You’re Moving Forward
Finding your new normal after breast cancer isn’t about going back. It’s about growing forward – at your own pace, on your own terms, on your own timeline.
It doesn’t need to be a straight line, in fact there will lots of ups and down, but over time you will see that the arrow is moving in an upwards direction.
There is no rush. No perfect version of healing. No one-size-fits-all future.
There is only you – taking small, kind, courageous steps into the life that’s waiting for you now.
You’ve already been through so much. Let the next part of your story be written with gentleness and deep self-compassion.
You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to dream again. And you’re allowed to become someone new – someone wiser, softer, and even stronger than before.
If you’d like more support with rediscovering who you are and creating your own new normal, you don’t have to do it alone. My 1:1 coaching programme “Moving Beyond” was created exactly for this part of the journey. Get in touch – I’d love to walk alongside you.
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