Managing Christmas after breast cancer.

Christmas. It can be a divisive topic! For me, before I was diagnosed, I was a big fan. I managed pubs and restaurants for many years so would normally be working, surrounded by people in the Christmas spirit, celebrating and having a great time. And I was happy to join in.

Christmas 2015 though was a very different affair. I had only just had a double mastectomy so I was still in bandages, my hair had only just started to regrow after chemo so I was rocking a wig and, sadly for me, alcohol just didn't taste right, so was mostly steering away. I hadn't the energy for buying and wrapping presents so felt quite guilty too. Not the best combo for the festive time of year.

I felt like a right Grinch!

Looking back now, I see I was in shock from everything that had happened and felt like life was a bit of a blur, like I was stuck alone in a snow globe watching the world twirl around me. 

Cancer can change our perspective on many things, Christmas included. You may be feeling a bit quieter, less inclined to be around other people or just wanting to be with close friends or family. You may be feeling tight on funds or just totally knackered. There may be an overwhelming fear that this may be your last Christmas, which comes with a feeling of urgency to 'do it right'.

As time has gone by, my view on the festive period has changed. I no longer see it as a month long excuse to party! (The hangovers are just too hard to bear ha). Instead I have simplified it. It is time with loved ones. Buying gifts that show thought and care; quality instead of quantity. Starting new traditions with my husband; my favourite being sharing a baked camembert on Christmas Eve, watching Elf (the best Christmas movie of all time in my humble opinion).

But most of all, it is giving myself time to rest. This is so important when we are recovering from cancer, whether that is physically or emotionally. This year, I have been thinking about what I would have done differently for my first few Christmas's after diagnosis. So here are my top tips if you find yourself in the same boat as I was.

Top Tips for Christmas

1.      Take the pressure off!

When you're recovering from treatment or you are just not feeling like yourself, try to set boundaries for yourself and communicate them kindly but clearly. The people in your life that love you will understand if this year you need to say NO to invites or obligations. Delegate tasks instead of trying to handle everything alone. Prioritise your health and wellbeing and just do what feels right for your mind and body. You deserve it!

2.      Find joy where you can

This may look different to usual and that is A-OK. It doesn't have to big or flashy. Really savour that mince pie, help your kids make handmade Christmas cards, bundle up on the sofa and watch a slushy Christmas movie, breath in the crisp air on a winter walk. There is joy to be found everywhere if we search for it, try to hold on to that feeling (but don't beat yourself up if you can't find it, it's ok!)

3.      Reserve time just for self-care.

Think of this time as the Christmas gift you are giving yourself. What do you need to get yourself through this time. A nap in the afternoon? A long soak in the tub? A facial? It's so much easier to give our time and attention to others if we have filled our own cup first. I find myself being much less moody with my family when I feel rested, my husband now actively encourages my chill time for this very reason!

4.      Don't beat yourself up!

Christmas brings pressures I know. The expectations can be high and it can be easy to feel guilty that we are not living up to them. Try not to live in the land of ‘shoulds’. We all hear the words’ be kind to yourself’ regularly and as easy as we may find it to say those words (and mean them) to others, it can be a different story when it comes to ourselves. Self-compassion is key, you’ve been through a lot and adding guilt into the mix does not make for a good time. Talk to yourself as you would a friend until it becomes routine.

5.      Share how you are feeling

If you are finding Christmas hard, don’t keep it bottled up inside. This only magnifies the feelings, and can lead to feeling depressed or anxious over time. There’s a lot of pressure to feel jolly during the festive season and you may not be in that head space and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But sharing with others can relieve some of that pressure making it easier to deal with. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can talk to, consider sharing on a forum or support group, or Breast Cancer Now have a fantastic helpline. For more info visit https://breastcancernow.org/support-for-you/call-our-helpline.

I'd love to connect in the comments and find out how Christmas has affected you since your diagnosis and any top tips of your own!