Finding Glimmers: Realistic Positivity After Breast Cancer

Kirstie Blanchette
May 20
5 min read

While going through treatment for breast cancer in 2015, I can vividly remember each time I was told to “stay positive.” Not because it helped me actually feel positive, but because of the irrational anger that bubbled up in my chest. I feel absolutely no ill will towards the people who said this—I know it was well-intentioned. But was it helpful? Errr, no.

On the days when I was feeling well, had actually had some sleep the night before, or had the energy to do something lovely with friends, I can hand on heart say I did indeed feel positive. But on the days when I had just been told something pretty damn scary about what was next on my treatment plan, or had spent the last couple of hours Dr. Googling myself into a state of abject fear, there wasn’t an ounce of positivity to be scraped off the bottom of my self-pity barrel (so to speak). And that’s both human and normal.

Why Is Positivity Important?

I’m not here to denounce the importance of positivity. In fact, quite the opposite. What I’m talking about above is toxic positivity—the assumption that you should maintain a positive attitude despite being in a painful or upsetting situation. This can lead to pressure to pretend you're okay or to internalise guilt or frustration for not coping "better."

Instead, I want to talk about constructive positivity. Research shows that a positive mindset can be incredibly beneficial to health outcomes and emotional resilience. But this doesn’t mean denying the hard stuff. A positive mindset doesn’t dismiss the very real challenges breast cancer brings—it simply helps us see the glimmers of light on even the darkest days.

I call this “looking for the rainbows.” When it’s miserable and raining outside, sometimes there’s a break in the clouds, and a beautiful rainbow appears. That rainbow couldn’t exist without the rain to sparkle through.

Our minds tend to skew negative—it’s how we survived back in caveman times, always on alert for danger. But that ancient wiring isn’t as helpful when we’re trying to heal or move forward.

Positivity After Breast Cancer Is Complicated

Surviving breast cancer brings many challenges to cultivating positivity. You might be dealing with fear of recurrence, body changes, identity shifts, or low mood and anxiety. It can feel like you’re starting from a disadvantage. That’s why I always encourage starting small. Look for those rainbows—or glimmers—of joy.

When facing a situation, we can choose to focus on what’s difficult or look for what’s good, even if that good is tiny.

For example, one of my clients had a family gathering coming up and was dreading it. She didn’t want to be around a lot of people. So we searched for the glimmers. Very quickly, she said, “My grandchildren will be there.” They are the absolute loves of her life, and spending time with them always lifts her spirits. She went, found a quiet corner, sat with her grandchildren—and ended up having a wonderful day.

What small things make you feel good? A walk in nature? A cup of tea with a close friend? Watching your favourite show on Netflix? Lean into what brings you comfort and joy.

Gratitude Is Key

After breast cancer, it’s easy to focus on all that’s been lost or changed. It’s so easy to slide down a rabbit hole of negative thinking. And you’re completely justified in feeling that way.

But the key is: what we choose to focus on.

Science shows that practising gratitude can help shift our mindset and reduce negativity. Again, it doesn’t have to be big. If you’re struggling to find anything to be grateful for, go back to the basics. On my toughest days, I can still feel grateful for:

A blue sky
A soothing cup of tea
A visit from my best friend
A warm bed to fall asleep in

Try it. List a few small things that bring you comfort or joy. Then pause and notice how you feel afterwards. It takes practice, but it gets easier—and eventually becomes second nature. Gratitude doesn’t erase pain, but it helps you balance your awareness by noticing what’s also true.

Who’s on Your Team?

It’s so much easier to stay positive when you're around positive people. Have you ever noticed how draining it feels to be around someone constantly negative? It’s like they suck the energy right out of you.

Take a moment to reflect: who lifts you up and who drains you? When you need a boost, try to seek out the people who radiate positivity.

And if you don’t have many people like that in your life right now, what could you do about it? Many of my clients find incredible comfort and strength in peer groups—especially within the breast cancer community—where they feel truly understood.

Watch That Internal Voice

Negative thoughts can become habitual, especially in tough times. One of the best ways to recognise them—and stop them from running the show—is through mindfulness.

Mindfulness simply means bringing your attention to the present moment. It’s about noticing your thoughts and feelings without judging them. It can shift your entire internal experience.

Take time to slow down. Notice your breath. Check in with yourself.

Ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”

Pair this with self-compassion. Talk to yourself the way you would to a dear friend. It’s okay to be struggling and still doing your best.

Rebuild Trust in Life

That might sound like a big ask—I get it. Breast cancer can shatter your confidence—in yourself, your health, your future. You may feel like the blinkers have come off and the world is suddenly a scarier place.

But again, start small. Baby steps.

Think about what would make your life feel better right now. Is it reconnecting socially? Improving your sleep? Eating in a way that nourishes you?

Set small, achievable goals—and take just one step.

One client of mine used to be an adrenaline junkie. She had skydived, driven a Formula 1 car, and even run a marathon in the desert. But now, she felt too scared to do any of the things that once exhilarated her.

So we broke it down. What could she do that felt adventurous but still safe?

She chose wild swimming and found a local group of cancer survivors who swam regularly. She joined—and came back glowing. “It made me feel full of life,” she said, grinning from ear to ear.

Ask yourself:

What’s one thing I’d like to try this month—just for me?
What would help me feel a little more like myself again?

It’s a Shift

If positivity doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s okay. It can take time and effort—but it’s worth it.

It took me a long time to shift my thinking away from its natural glass half empty leanings. But through consistently looking for the glimmers, noticing my thoughts without letting them take over, and practising daily gratitude, I can honestly say I now see the glass as half full—with potential to be filled even higher.

This is something I work on often with the women I coach. If you feel I could help you build more positivity in your life after breast cancer, please do get in touch. I’d love to hear your story and walk alongside you on your journey.